The Country on the Ice Cap
by Nidders58
Summary: Everyone forgets that Antartica is a continent in its own right. Most are ignorant at the power struggles poor Antartica has been caught in!
1. Chapter 1

Hetalia - Antartica

1773 - Britiains House

"Sir!" Cried a voice, making Britain look over his shoulder to a messenger entering his garden. The messenger gave him a letter stamped with the navy seal and curtly left. Sitting back down on his garden bench, Britain opened the letter and read with intent. "...Interesting discovery... Cape of good hope... Super continent of ice... Signed James Cook! Great Scott!" Britain gasped. A new super continent? The Americas had been a big enough win but if what he read was true, an even bigger continent would definitely earn him a higher seat at the table (metaphorically, everyone was at war with each other in a huge dick swinging game of 'who has the biggest empire'). Cook had never let him down before (except maybe with Australia(there was nothing but angry natives)) "I must keep this a secret before anyone else lays claim" he thought, thinking of the smug look on Frances face being wiped clean.

So preoccupied in his thoughts was Britain that he didn't notice little Latvia writing everything down in a nearby bush. Who would have thought saying plans out loud could be so progressive to a plot?

Later that evening Latvia reported (out of pant-pissing fear) to his big neighbour Russia about what he had overheard. Russia was sitting lazily by the fire using Lithuania as a foot rest whilst thinking with a cute expression which ethnic group to genocide next.

"Err mr Russia, sir. I thought you should read something, I got it whilst spying on Britain like you asked." He gave Russia the notes and received a rather rough head pat. "(Soft Russian accent engage) Why thank you little man, what have we here then eh. If this is like the Crimea invasion plans, then I might just get a little angry" he said, smiling at Latvia (that pant-pissing fear becoming steadily more real). "Little Latvia I am confused, Britain Is either not specific in his reading of letter, or you are poor at taking notes." (Drip drip) "NO NO I swear boss this is all he read, he was being abstract in his reading! Please understand!"

Russia's cute smile stayed unaltered and he said "it's ok Latvia I am just messing you haha. But I think we should plan a little trip to this supercontinent to eh? Now please swap with Lithuania, his back is not as soft as yours" Lithuania collapsed on the floor and rolled out of the way as Latvia assumed the position. (Fun fact, foot stools where not created in Russia).

1813 - Southern ice continent.

Antarctica arose from his bedroll and yawned, outside the sun was rising for what few hours it did that time if year. Getting up and stretching, he took in a deep breath and glanced outside his igloo. There was a snow storm arising from the east and to the coast a few chunks of ice floated in the distance, silhouetted black against the sun. Grabbing his hunting gear, he made is way towards the coast hoping today he might catch something more than a few fish or small seal. A herd of penguins (yes we're setting the scene and being stereotypical, it's not racist to antarticans if there culture hasn't been discovered yet) patterned on by, stopping only to squeak at Antarctica as he walked past.

Sitting on the coastal ice shelf, he looked out onto the horizan and reflected, thinking of thoughts about his past and history that would only serve as context. Long ago before written history he had not been alone, when all the lands of the world had been together he remembers colours and sounds Alien to him, only when the world ripped apart and his home had been covered in ice, those sounds and colours became dreams. Now he was alone. Often he had dreamed of traversing the great blue on islands of detached ice but he always came back to the feeling that this was his home and who he was. With all this in mind it came as a surprise when the black islands on the horizon suddenly started to get bigger and come towards him.

"Sir we're coming close to the coast but we've spotted something of the southern bow!" Britain looked up from his charts at Cook. "And you're not going to like it". Making there way to the top deck, Britain pulled out his spyglass and looked to where Cook was pointing. Through it he could make out the tall figure of Russia, smiling and waving from his own ship towards Britain.

"(Angry British accent engage) what in king Henry's nut-sack is he doing, Ruskie git! Get us to that coast as fast as you can, I won't lose the continent to this arse!"

The two ships where neck and neck as they hit the shoreline.

Russia and Britain lept respectively from there ships, flags in hand and planted them in front of each other laying claim to the land. "Ah Britain you are just in time to witness the claiming of 'New Caucasus'."Russia said with a triumphant smile. Britain yelled (all riled up as they say) "I don't bloody think so, you're stood on the new country of St. Britannia, property of the empire now shove off!" The two nations began yelling at each other much to the amusement of the ships crew members who distracted failed to notice the, white haired, blue eyed figure of Antarctica emerge from behind an ice shelf to shout "I think you will find I was here first!".

(Several months of sea travel later)

Geneva

The atmosphere in the room was tense. At one end of the circular table sat Britain, India, Australia and Canada (not that anyone noticed him), all looking with distaste to the other end of the table at Russia, Belarus, Lithuania and Estonia. Antartica was sat rather awkwardly in the middle of the two, pretending to admire the furniture, sweating in his assortment of furs and walrus leather. Looking from one party to the next, he thought 'Jeez and I thought I would be the socially quite one, this is horrible' .

Britain struck the first blow, "So I hear your having another famine Russia old boy, what have you not got enough land for crops or something?" Russia sat there smiling at Britain, the thought of mass starvation not seeming to bother him. "I heard you invaded France again, England. Everyone is under impression that you like lots of English men being deep inside France, no?" Belarus sniggered and nudged Russia perhaps to much because he shuffled away from her slightly in his seat. Britain looked as though his eyebrows would set on fire. He began yelling incoherent abuse at Russia whilst being restrained by India and Australia, all the while Antartica sank deeper in his seat wishing to leave the room.

At that moment Switzerland entered the room followed by another country who Antartica did not recognise. He yelled at the other countries in a sharp accent that antarticans hadn't heard yet "Hey Dumkopfs how's about you shut your traps before my boot enters your asshole, Ja?!"

Britain immediately sat back down in his seat and even Russia shrank slightly. All eyes where on this new character. Switzerland spoke up "You see guys is is why I don't let you use Geneva for peace talks, it always turns into a dick swinging contest! Anyway, Antartica as part of our integration scheme into the international community, meet your buddy country, Prussia"

Antartica gave Prussia an apprehensive glance. Holding out his hand he grabbed it with a firm grasp and dragged him in for a suffocating power hug. "So do you like to lift weights, ja?" He said in his high pitched dominating voice (you could tell he was a giver not a taker (yes in a sexual way)). Antartica swallowed "err what are weights?". Prussia looked shocked, even offended. "Vas?! Haha just you wait my friend, we are going to buff you up, not like these other flaccid cissies. Come let me introduce you to my brother!" He grabbed poor Antartica by the arm and began leading him out, he only had time to see England rise from the table with his 'crew' and yell at Russia "this isn't over!".


	2. Chapter 2

Bavarian Plain in Bavaria (Duh)

"Pull!" Yelled Prussia as he raised his musket to the sky. Upon his command Austria gave a sigh and threw another plate into the air. Everyone watched as once again Prussia got a direct hit on the plate in one shot, sending little pieces of fine china falling to the ground. In another one of his impulsive antics Prussia had invited all the neighbouring countries over to have a little sport (or show off as Austria had put it) to ease the tension and introduce Antartica to everyone.

"Did you see zat! Must have bin another bullseye haha! Try beating that little brother!"

Prussia gave Germany a slap on the shoulder, causing him to Stumble forward a little as he took his position to go next. "Err pull?" He called, wheezing with the vocal aptitude of an adolescent (to be fair at this point poor Germany wasn't even a unified country yet, more a gangbang of city states). Austria didn't appear to have noticed as he was still sitting on the grass writing poetry (like the classy SOB he is) with Hungary sat next to him reading with blushed intent.

At this point Antartica piped up "I'll throw it". 'I may as well make myself useful' he thought. Antartica wasn't having much luck trying to talk with Spain and Romano, the latter was constantly throwing food at Spain and then putting grass on Denmark's shoulder (to make him more like Greenland, get It?) and he couldn't be sure if Greece was sleeping or not so he didn't attempt to talk to him and instead sat and observed the small flock of cats around him.

'Talking to these people is harder than I thought' he thought thinking thoughtfully in his thoughts.

Picking up the plate he made ready to throw it up in the air, he gave Germany the nod who in turn took aim and shouted "PULL!". Lunging with all his might, Antartica threw the plate into the air...only to be tackled to the ground by a tall baby faced man with long flossy blonde hair.

Meanwhile in the Crimea (dum dum dummm)

The small contingent of horses came to a halt on the frosty hilltop. As though carefully practiced a thousand times, the shivering bodies of Estonia, Lithuania and Latvia dismounted from there noticeably smaller horses and ran to the gigantic steed that Russia sat on, forming a flight of stairs with there bodies. Crunching into a shiny red apple (to make him more of an asshole) Russia trod down across his protectorate countries onto the grass, each step making a magical melody of moans. Looking out to the south across the Crimean coast he saw the massed fleet of British ships landing troops and making camp. Russia put a hand to his ear and said to the other "Do you hear that my friends? Sounds like sister Ukraine is coming to meet us". He wasn't wrong, from the distance the four countries could make the distinct banging of drums that got louder and louder as Ukraine got nearer and nearer. There was one distinctive feature about this country (two features really) that made her stand out from the rest of Russia's 'family'. Ukraine had a large heart and was very kind. (Ha you thought I was going to say chest! Well tough luck perverts!) the smile on her face was noticeable from a distance and she immediately gave each of them a big, suffocating, hug.

"Ahh sister always a pleasure! Ugh" Russia said through watery eyes as Ukraine squeezed the life out of him. "Oh brother I've been so scared! There I was skipping in my wheat fields (as you do) when all of a sudden big mean Britain comes with all his ships and big scary men that keep staring at me! And they won't leave!". Ukraine started crying into Estonia's shoulder whilst Russia looked through his spyglass towards the British encampment. Through it he saw Britain standing on the palisade flipping of towards his general direction with a smug smile on his face as the rest of his men laughed around him.

Russia turned around to everyone "don't worry I have a plan" he said, with his trademark smile.

Lithuania looked terrified "oh god surely not wave attacks again, that never works!" Estonia piped up as well "yeah and we can't call up the Mongols again they died out years ago!"

Russia, still smiling, answered "do not worry friends I have a master plan, we are going to do what little England least expects ... Nothing"

^J^

"WHAT?!" They all shouted at once, disbelief on there faces.

"Yes comrades, if we do nothing the problem will sort itself out" and with that Russia walked back to the horses, beckoning the others to follow.

Suddenly Ukraine pointed out towards the hills where they came from and said to Russia "oh look brother, Belarus made it after all" Russia stopped dead in his tracks, the smile gone from his face. Looking towards where Ukraine was pointing he could just make out the faint figure of Belarus in the distance, riding at full speed, a large dust trail rising up like a metaphorical giant stomping towards them.

Russia turned around and began running towards the British camp "Never mind comrades! Quickly attack Britain before she gets here!"

Antartica was trapped on the floor, the crushing weight of this new character pressing him down. "Non Monsieur no more! All my fabulous China, ruined!" Yanking the plate from Antarctica's hand, he got up and stormed towards Prussia and Germany. "Relax France, this China is part of the reparations you owe all of us after the last 30 years of war, ja!" Germany snatched away the box of cups and plates from France, who only just seemed to have noticed the new arrival. "Oh hello and who might you be young man" he said extending a helping hand. "Err I'm Antartica, thank you" he took France's hand who helped him up with a little to much zest as he nearly fell in to him. "Oh ha ha ha I think you and I are going to get along marvellously" he said with a wink. Antartica stepped back a little, felling uneasy. Prussia stepped in "Gott in Himmel, leave him alone you creepy crime eater. Why is it that you must lay into every new male we come across, it gives a bad impression! Besides he's my newbie buddy!" Austria, finally having decided the conversation was worth his attention, said "ja and anyway we still haven't forgiven you for napoleon! You burned my capital!"

France sat down, tears eyed "aw but he had such a way with words! Very well but I still don't like it!" He got up and walked away from the group, just in time to pass another country who was dragging a multi barrelled weapon on wheels towards them "hey guys! I heard you where doing some shooting so I brought me kick ass Gatling gun! Check it out!"

Germany face-palmed "oh America not another one".


End file.
